Grief is one of the most misunderstood words in the English language. It is mostly associated with the word “death”. However, when we leave our mother’s wombs, we come out mourning the comfort that we have come to know as our home, our source of food, safety, and security. We grieve by screaming out our protest at the strange sensation of being cut off from our source.
In addition to losing a loved one by death, grief can manifest from any significant changes or occurrences in our lives. It’s possible for a person to never realise that they are in a state of grieving after life-changing experiences.
Young children are an excellent example of being able to process what they are feeling, which helps transform their energies, with the exception of any horrific childhood abuse.
Have you ever witnessed a child becoming injured whilst playing with their friends? They usually cry or laugh before happily playing again a short time later, as if the incident had never happened. The energy of the situation was significantly changed because the child was able to witness and feel their emotions at that precise moment.
As we become older, we learn how to behave in a more adult and conventional manner. A youngster who has been injured will allow themselves to grieve what they are feeling right then, which strengthens their ability to transform their energy.
An adult having a temper tantrum in public is not advised since you will draw attention to yourself. I do advise taking some time to reflect on and analyse your feelings in a secure private comfortable place.
If you are an open-minded person who would like to connect with your inner child for trauma healing, I highly recommend trying out these awesome ‘Tantrum Yoga Poses’. It is a great way to transmute any stagnant energy, especially if you allow yourself to be fully immersed of letting it all go.
For a quick stress buster session, join Dr Gold over on YouTube for her demonstration of throwing a tantrum. She demonstrates the wiggle fish and the wet noodle. Click here.
The older generations of society discouraged males from grieving or expressing their emotions. Many cultures forbade males from crying; they had to be tough and act like real men. This is still the case in some nations today.
I am aware from my personal experience growing up in the 70’s that it was strongly discouraged if a father expressed affection for his son or if a small male child cried because he had been injured.
We all possess both male and feminine energy energetically, regardless of gender, and the key to wellbeing is to have these energies evenly balanced and in tune with one another.
- If a person spends too much time in their masculine energy, they will become overly analytical and will operate from the left side of their brain. They will exhibit little to no emotions and have no empathy for themselves or others. They can become arrogant, manipulative, self-serving, and egotistical.
- People who spend too much time in their feminine energy become overly emotional, confused, and operate from the right side of their brain. They will struggle to tell the difference between fantasy, fiction, and reality. They may also have other mental health problems, be prone to addictions, and have too much empathy for themselves and others.
What Is Grief & Why Does It Happen?
keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.
a cause or occasion of keen distress or sorrow.Dictionary.com
To me, grief is the emotional suffering, loss, and regret that follow a defining moment in life. This is not always equivalent to losing a person through death. Actually, even on joyous occasions and happenings, we can feel grief.
These can appear in our energetic bodies since they are less evident, but once the cumulative effect of all these events is felt, it becomes more noticeable.
Examples of Events that Cause Grief:
- Loss of a loved one: This can be caused by the death of a person or a pet, a divorce or becoming a divorcee, the breakup of a partnership, a separation, a falling-out with a relative or friend, or distance resulting from a move.
- Financial security: Threatened or by the loss of a job or source of income, a business, a home, a car, or a stock market disaster. Having never-ending financial debt or the loss of other valuable assets.
- Social Isolation: Restriction of interactions with loved ones and friends can be caused by pandemic outbreaks, authority figures, or by a narcissistic partner. By living alone, isolated by location, lacking funds, lacking access to transportation or money, and having no friends or relatives. A reduction in freedom brought on by obligations, working hours, sickness, mobility issues, or having dependants.
- The Unknown: Becoming a parent for the first time, embarking on an adventure with no guarantees. A new relationship or relocating to a new location. Or passing an age milestone and you’re concerned about losing vitality. Concerns about health, scares, and regrettably, individuals with terminal illnesses who are unsure of their remaining time. Also being the recipient of a dying loved one.
- Normalcy: Clinging to the past and longing for how things used to be. A decline in one’s health, fitness, weight, or income. Or major changes in a housing situation, daily schedule, interpersonal relationships, sleeping in, and having less responsibility.
How Your Happiness Can Turn Into Unprocessed State of Grieving:
People are being taught in this section how to be mindful that a good circumstance could change. This is not a frightening strategy to frighten someone away from these kinds of experiences.
If you live in fear, you are not energetically living life to the fullest and healthiest extent possible. Being conscious of your energy, feelings, and emotions offers insight into how illnesses manifest in our bodies.
Forewarned is forearmed in your healing journey.
Knowing that a happy occasion in a person’s life can result in unrecognised pain is a surprising realisation. However, being aware that this is a possibility gives a person the ability to understand and express their emotions in a healthy way.
Nobody should feel guilty about their own personal feelings because they are part of what makes us human. Staying stuck in the past is unhealthy, as it leads to depression and other illnesses.
We have the ability to release and transmute energy from our bodies once we recognise and understand how we are feeling and where those feelings are coming from. Giving ourselves the ability to live the best and happiest lives we can, and to enjoy every special occasion with the knowledge that our higher vibration will attract good things all around us.
The three major happy occasions that most people plan are:
- Buying a dream car, home, or any other major purchase: Unless that person is fortunate enough to have an abundance of financial resources, they will be bound by a long-term loan. If that person becomes sick without the appropriate insurance, loses their job, or is made to stay in a job they despise, etc. This may cause a great deal of stress and may lead to unprocessed grief in the form of financial burden.
- Being in a committed relationship or marriage: When you’re married or in a committed relationship, you lose your former freedom and independence. If you’re in a monogamous relationship, you are not free to pursue other people. Every significant choice should first be discussed with your partner. When you need to take time out for yourself, you must first communicate this to your partner. The loss of your independence or not being able to be spontaneous may lead to unprocessed grief about being your own person.
- Having a baby or combining families: Even for those with prior experience with babies and children, being a first-time parent can be overwhelming. As you take on responsibility for a tiny being who is completely reliant on you for all of their needs. Your life can change in an instant (and so can your partner). Your close relationships change, and if you already have children, they may become more demanding as they adjust to the new dynamics. If you are combining two different families, it may take some time to reach an agreement and establish new routines to accommodate everyone’s needs. You may adopt some characteristics of unprocessed grief from groups one and two.
The Seven Survival Grief Life Hacks is the Understanding of Each Stage:
The seven phases of grief that a person experiences are illustrated in the diagram below. Nurse Wright created these stages in 2011. I’ll explain to you how I see each of these phases we go through.
Although I am not a licensed counsellor or nurse, I have experienced the loss of several family members and other loved ones, some of whom I also assisted in nursing through the final stages of their earthly journey. I’ve also been through grieving periods in a number of other situations.
It becomes simpler to heal the more we comprehend and embrace the stages we shall go through. How quickly or slowly we process and heal at each stage depends on how severe the trauma was that one has endured.
- Shock & Denial: Following the agony of a loss, a person can become extremely numb with disbelief. Shock provides an automatic emotional defence against being overwhelmed by pain. After the shock wears off, grief takes its place. It is really important at this stage not to numb the sadness, confusion and pain with any illegal drugs, alcohol, or by throwing yourself into your work or on a project.
- Pain & Guilt: This is where a person feels the most excruciating pain – it can be as intense as having your heart ripped out or broken into two. One might struggle to get out of bed every day, let alone deal with day-to-day life. Depending on the situation, one might feel guilty for what they have done, what they haven’t done, said or not said. The more remorse that one goes through, the more intense the pain gets. Once again, it is really important at this stage not to numb the pain, sadness, or guilt with any illegal drugs, alcohol, or by throwing yourself into your work or on a project.
- Anger & Bargaining: Anger is the result of frustration with how a person perceives the situation that they are in. Personal situations and relationships may suffer long-term consequences if a person’s anger is always escalating. In my article, 12 Steps to Healing, I offer healthy suggestions on how to release anger in a safe way. Keep away from any illegal drugs or alcohol, as this will escalate your anger. Throwing yourself into a project, exercise, or work, especially where your energy is burned off, is also a good way to release tension, resentment, and stubbornness from your body.
- Depression, Reflection, Loneliness: This is where one will fail to see the light at the end of the gloomy tunnel. Depending on the trauma one has suffered, this can be a somewhat lengthy phase, in my experience. A person begins to ponder the circumstances and feels quite alone once they begin to comprehend the gravity of their loss. We can also take the attitude that no one can possibly understand what we have gone through. When someone is suffering, other people may start to avoid them because they are unable to help them because of their ignorance or because they lack empathy. Once again, it is really important at this stage not to numb the depression, loneliness, or frustration with any illegal drugs or alcohol.
- The Upward Turn: The light at the end of the tunnel is beginning to emerge, and you will no longer feel so heavy. As the depression lifts, each day becomes a little easier, and it is much easier to get out of bed each morning. You will become more motivated to feel better, and you will experience less brain fog. It is a great time to start eating more nutritious foods and doing some light exercise, such as going for a walk in nature (or in a park if you live in a city) to help shift your energy.
- Reconstruction & Working Through: Now that the fog has cleared from your head, you are feeling more motivated than ever to return to your life as close to normal as you can. Once again feeling in charge of your life, you’ll start to feel motivated and practical. It’s okay if you have the occasional setback or some doubt from time to time. As long as you don’t let yourself dwell on that energy for days on end, because depression will return if you do, be the child that I spoke of in the beginning section of this article. Have a good cry, scream, or throw a tantrum (in private), and then dry your tears, get up, and continue on your new path. Every time that you set your new intentions, the more negative energy that you’ll transmute.
- Acceptance & Hope: At this point, you start to accept the circumstances you have faced. You begin to have faith in your ability to find happiness in life and feel hopeful about it. You’ve been through the worst, and now it’s time to start enjoying life again. Congratulations! You are a real warrior.
After stage one:
- Don’t live too much in your masculine energy; learn not to push your emotions down so deep that they almost don’t exist.
- Don’t live too much in your feminine energy and feel overwhelmed by life.
Establish a comfortable balance between the two. Allow yourself to mourn without sinking into despair. There isn’t a chemical or miraculous drug that can improve your life. Humans must feel (but not for too long) and let go of their traumas in order to heal. Any negative energy in our minds, bodies, and souls needs to be transformed.
Bypassing our healing will cause us to be repeatedly triggered throughout life without being able to explain why it does so.
Further Related Reading Materials to Aid Grief:
- 12 Steps of Healing Deep Trauma.
- PTSD & CPTD: 12 Explosive Steps You Must Know!
- Depression. There Are 6 Key Categories To Be Aware Of.
- Anxiety. There Are 3 Things You Should Know Right Now!
- Never Underestimate The Influence Of Self-love.
- Inner Child Trauma and Shadow Work. Complete Guide!
- The Secret of Healing Your Body. Part One of Four.
- The Secret of Healing Your Body. Part Two of Four.
- The Secret of Healing Your Body. Part Three of Four.
- The Secret of Healing Your Body. Part Four of Four.
If you are on the spiritual journey or you would like to know more about how to balance your energies head over to my full chakras series, starting at your Root Chakra.
I appreciate you reading this article all the way through, lovely souls. I always value feedback, and I wish you success as you work towards recovery.
Over the next 10 weeks, I won’t be updating as frequently because of other obligations. If I have time during my new journey and travels, I plan to post something at least once a month.
Till then, be safe and continue on your path to recovery. I send you my love and strength for recovery. Sherry 💚
The main image credit for this article goes to John Hain from Pixabay.